My search for the silver lining

Its about me, my life, feelings, thoughts...just somewhere I can pour it all out and try and make sense of it all.

Location: New Zealand

I'm not a people person - prefering to talk to myself or my animals...obviously getting a better response from the latter most times, I'm getting old, have a sick sense of humour (so I'm told), crazy at times & did I mention old?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Time To Say Goodbye

Another year is almost over, wow, where'd the time go?
Next month I'll be celebrating my 40th.....yep, you heard it right......CELEBRATING!!!!!!!!!!
I figure I can't stop it or turn the clock back so what the hell! Infact I am really looking forward to it
which is very surprising so I plan to welcome it in with a BANG.

I remember having this very talk with my hairdresser last month, my age came up and what a had in mind for my birthday and she, like a lot of people, could not believe I was turning 40 this year, man, I come out of there not only with my hair looking great but I felt great
She actually thought I was around 30 - 32ish at the most, which would have made me a dirty little slapper if you think about it - the age my kids are and


Turn 40 isn't such a big deal ya know, I love the person I am now, yep Im still a weirdo, a lil crazy at times, I have a sick sense of humor and rarely do I act my age, but that's what makes me ME, noone else like it in the world, I'm one of a kind...when they made me they threw away the mould....faulty?...maybe...pmsl.

I now know what people are on about when I hear that comment "Life begins at 40" because that's how I feel.
Hearing it as a youngin I used to laugh at the oldies and think "yea yea keep laughing, you'll be dead soon ya old fart".....and here I now my kids think the ironic!

Two of my kids have left home now, yep, I did have a little of the "empty nest bullshit" going on but didn't take long before I was over that, I have one left at home and am loving it! Best thing that could have happened for me - don't
get me wrong, I miss them heaps and love seeing them...but it's time to let go, move on and get on with my life.
It put things into perspective, gave me time to think, sort a little shit out and in the process I got to know me a little better, not me the mum, the wife, the fixer of all, the chief cook and bottle washer....just plain old Karen the woman.

Through this process I have come to the realization that hubby and I no longer have much of a connection, that our connection was the kids and that's all it was, we are two totally different people on two totally different paths.
I do love him and probably will always love him for what he has given me, but have never been in love with him which is the difference, I have never been in love full stop and at this age I want the chance to experience that.
I don't want to make do anymore, I don't want to stay just for the companionship, I need more.
I have sacrificed my life so my kids could have a good life, like a lot of woman do, its now time for me.

Its time to say goodbye......
goodbye to the 30something mother, wife, needy no lifer
and welcome the

Welcome girl!!!! I'm looking forward to spending time with you!


Anonymous Maree the exhaustedmum said...

Blardy Great Site Big Sis...why didn't you tell me about this earlier?..or at least give me the addy!..Yup, Shit, 'THE BIG 4 0'..LOL..we gotta party like its 1966..makes me, for some reason feel quite YOUNG..yah ole u lots huny, from one not nearly as old sis to another 40year

12:50 AM  

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