My search for the silver lining

Its about me, my life, feelings, thoughts...just somewhere I can pour it all out and try and make sense of it all.

Location: New Zealand

I'm not a people person - prefering to talk to myself or my animals...obviously getting a better response from the latter most times, I'm getting old, have a sick sense of humour (so I'm told), crazy at times & did I mention old?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Where's it gone?

Christmas is over, a shit-load of money spent & I'm sitting here on my own - hubbys gone back to work, youngest is off camping with cousins, son is off in his car (now he has his licence back) & oldest is still in bed..... the house is so feels so empty...
Is this what its going to be like in a couple of years?
Is this how its going to feel when the kids leave home? the hell am I going to cope?
Everything I do revolves around my kids, my kids are my life.
What will I do when they've gone?...I have nothing.....
I think I've only stuck it out here so my kids could have a good they wouldn't want for anything....and in that process I've lost a big part of me.......I've lost time......where's it gone????

I'm too old to start thinking of career choices, I think I've left that a bit too late at the ripe old age of 39, I'm going to need something too keep my mind occupied over these next couple of years as the kids decide to go off & explore on their own, otherwise that "empty nest syndrome" I've heard so much about will jump up & slap me in the face!

When the kids were little & driving me around the bend I remember thinking....."bloody hell...I can't wait for the day when they're old enough to move out!" its like I wanna slap myself silly for ever thinking that, the time just flies by so damned fast & all of a sudden they've grown up into these beautiful young adults that I admire & love so much and are about to venture on their own journey of life without me does make me so happy & proud...but a big part of me feels so sad & lost also.
Christ sakes I cried when the 2 oldest got their licence because I felt they didn't need me as much as they used to ( I didn't let them know that tho otherwise they would've used it to their advantage..haha)...& if thats anything to go by you can just imagine how this lot is going to affect me.....I'll soon know....4 weeks and counting.....the oldest leaves to start her degree at the end of January!

Time to do some serious thinking about my life I think.......


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