My search for the silver lining

Its about me, my life, feelings, thoughts...just somewhere I can pour it all out and try and make sense of it all.

Location: New Zealand

I'm not a people person - prefering to talk to myself or my animals...obviously getting a better response from the latter most times, I'm getting old, have a sick sense of humour (so I'm told), crazy at times & did I mention old?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Should I be depressed?

Its my birthday today....39 yrs old, that is a biggie for me as years ago I hadn't dreamed of reaching 30.
Strange thing is I don't feel 39 & whats even stranger is I am always forgetting my birthday now...its the others that remind me....BASTARDS LOL. I feel like a youngin' trapped in an old persons body!!!!!!!!...HELLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!

30 was a BIG turning point in my life...thats when the depression gradually got worse, I had it in my head that everything was down hill from then on, that my life was over. I was terrified of those blardy numbers & I don't know why.
When I was in my teens I could never imagine myself as growing old and always thought I'd die know the saying "die young & leave a good looking corpse", be buggered if I could imagine a wrinkled up old prune in a casket.
Its so strange looking back on these thoughts I had.
I do know when I was younger I had a great fear of old people, I was actually terrified of them & that was probably because of the abuse I had suffered as a child.

Hmmmm I sound like my therapist lol..

Now that I am well (although some in my family would dispute this LOL..including me at times...pmsl) "numbers" don't seem to frighten me, they are what they are.....just numbers...& its all about how you feel inside, if you're happy within yourself things just naturally fall into place!

soooooo here it is girl HAPPY BIRTHDAY 39 YEAR OLD!!!!!! I love ya & I'm proud of ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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